Less Bush

You'd think from the title this would be an anti-G.W. Bush piece but its not, it's about retro trends I don't want to see brought back. Ever.

For the past few years retro styles and ideals have been coming back like nobodies business. Could I cite some examples for you? Sure, but I'm far too lazy for that. Sometimes a throwback to the past is great (retro jerseys for Pro teams) but I'm silently waiting for this trend to spiral downward faster than an Atlantic City hooker.




1) Bush

One thing I don't want brought back is bush, huge massive pubic bush. At some point having a mane of pubes was really cool, not anymore so shave your shit. Beyond that, how was that ever cool? It may be the most uncomfortable hair in the entire world. I would have loved to live in that society, sure I would have been an outcast but at least I wouldn't have had Abe Lincoln's face stapled to my nuts.

2) Stonewashed/ Acid Wash Jeans




Another piece of nostalgia I could do without are stonewashed/acid wash jeans. They might be the ugliest item of clothing ever manufactured. At first I thought that sentence might be going too far but then I thought about it, its not. Those things were fucking terrible and still are. I never want to live in a world where those are cool again, I would almost rather live in a world where status was determined by the size of your bush than wear acid wash jeans.

3) Beating your kids in public



I thought that was a thing of the past but recently I have seen a few outbursts. Honestly, beating kids in public is so white trash modern homosapiens can't even comprehend it. Kids are kids, sometimes they fuck up, so what? A stern talking to will do just fine and if it doesn't at least wait until you are home to smack the shit out of them. No one likes to hear children crying, it's the soundtrack to hell I think, so please refrain from beating them in public.

4) Trough Urinals



This one may only resonate with men, but it is something I hope stays banished out of bathroom designs for the rest of my years. There is just something about peeing directly into a tub with a dozen other men that I can't get into. Oh that's right, it fucking sucks. That has to be one of the more unhealthy ways to take a piss. No one wants to play swords against 24 other guys at once. It ends up becoming a giant melting pot of urine, makes me puke just thinking about it.


5) Carrot Top




Prop comedy was never funny, whoever said it was should be hung in the town square. Carrot Top was once the number one offender and he has since cooled his jets. Every now and then he rears his ugly head (thanks Comedy Central) but then he disappears like the hemorrhoid that he is. If Opie and He-Man fucked and produced a child it would be Carrot Top. Besides, contracting HIV is funnier than Carrot Top.

Screw T-Mobile, that is my top 5 (for right now anyway). Enjoy and feel free to add on yours in the comments section.